Yes, as much as I have tried to deny it and hold it off, I have fallen off the wagon. I think I am once again an addict. I have been jonesing for a hit a lot lately. Sometimes I can't function until I get my fix. I have thoughts about goin and seeing my hook-up here at work for it, or goin down the street to see my dealer who has a better selection, but I'll have to pay more for it. I like the regular, but sometimes you need the more powerfull stuff. The Jamaican Blue, Tanzania Peaberry, Sumatra Mandheling, and Cochabamba are some of the choices they offer. For a premium of course. But the high you get makes it worth it.

I saw someone dealing in Penn Station when I came off the train today but I didn't have any cash or else I would have bought some and taken a hit right there. But you also got to worry bout the purity of the cheap stuff. Sometimes they cut it w/inferior crap just so they have more volume. You pay for pure Columbian grano and you cheap bustelo. But that's the price you pay when you mess with the black fairy. I mean some stuff you NEED to cut otherwise you'll be in a bad way if you take it at the normal amount.

It would be easier if it wasn't so damn available. Cops look the other way when the see dealers. HELL, most of them are paid off by them, and the cops offer protection for their "free" doses. You can spot the dens in every town. Sometimes they hide them in "legitimate" establishments, or they offer other services. There are more than a few international syndicates that set the prices for the rest of us. And they're the ones that hurt the most people. Most of the time people get burned, it doesn't make the papers or the news. Sure there are cases that make the news, but the victims are paid off for their silence and the cause fades away as people turn a blind eye.

And you can't even get away from the stuff. The withdrawals are so tough. The headaches, the shakes, the lousy feeling you get till you rid yourself of the need, and the way you take it out on the people you care about. And it's tough to find a support group to help you. Most people get addicted while trying to quit something else.

But what can I do? I'm a junkie. So I might as well pour myself a cup, add my splenda and half & half, and pay the buck o' five and just enjoy my cup of French Vanilla. DAMN YOU JUaN VALDEZ!!!!!