a photo of me from last New Years? I swear I took a photo with my phone of me, and sent it to my LiveJournal scrapbook. But I just checked last years entries, as well as my scrapbook, and no picture. I'd check my phone, but I had to turn that phone in a few moons ago, so I'm at a lost. So if anyone comes across a pict of me from the 07-08 New Year's, please forward said photo to me. True, I was VERY drunk, but I remember taking the photo and sending it. OK, that's all for now.

it's eight o'clock on a Tuesday. I'm sitting on my couch with a cup of coffee , Haüs on the TV, some laundry in the wash, and swaddled up in one of the sweatshirts I got for Christmas. I just thought while I watched TV, I could bang out a journal entry. I'm not going to go into anything deep, b/c I just don't feel like it, so NYAH!

I got a great surprise in the mail yesterday. I turned the photo my "fan" Carmen had taken for me:

and converted it to cards for JerseyCam!


I got them from a company called OvernightPrints. They came out great except that they didn't make Carmen's Flickr address bright enough. So I am going to goto my favorite stamp store, and get a stamp made so I can stamp the backs so people know where to go to see awesome photos. It's nice to have cards for the site, as I really don't have an advertising budget. Hell, I don't have a budget at all. When I re-order more cards, I will make sure to make the link brighter. Unless Carmen come sup with another design before then.

So tomorrow is New Year's Eve. For the first time, I will be venturing into NY for the celebration. I don't yet have everything fleshed out, but I'm close. I think I'll take the train, so I can drink more ;)

What else, what else. Ash Lee is getting better. She was limping very badly last week, so I brought her to the vets, as I didn't know what to do. I made the appointment and when I went to bring her in the night before, she was limping on another leg as well. I brought her in the next morning, and for some reason, they didn't have a record of my appointment. So I had to wait an hour for the next available slot. We finally got in, and Ash was a real good sport. They took X-Rays, but they showed nothing. I think she got into a scuffle with the new cat that started living in my neighbor Bob's garage. So the vet gave her antibiotics and also an anti-inflammatory. She doesn't like being inside, so all she does it meow at me when I let her out of the mud room bathroom. I hope she'll be all better soon.

Christmas was good, but draining. I seriously didn't get into the Christmas spirit like I have in previous years. I mostly seemed to have been coasting along. I am hoping next year will be better. This year was just a mad blur of running around and never seeming to catch up. My sleep has gone all wonky as well. It was really bad Sunday night. I had the dream again. It's the one I hate having b/c as soon as I wake up and roll over, I know it was a dream. Since it happened during my recent depression, I am hoping it's just result of it, and not my brain trying to get me happy, b/c it hurts more than it helps.

OK, on that note, I am hitting the sack, b/c I am über tired. Nighters all.

so I know have been lacking on the update front. I have been just super busy, and I am really upset that I haven't been updating like I should. I have been neglecting many things, and that bothers me. But I have some time tonight, so I thought I would fire off a quick update.

So a few days ago, I get an IM from my Ex. Now, surprisingly, this is not uncommon. It is my understanding that as part of the mandatory counseling/debreifing that all my Ex's receive from the Government, part of the therapy is contacting me. But seriously, I have no problem talking to any of my Ex's. In fact, there are some I talk to on a regular basis, and quite enjoy it. There are the few who choose for some reason to not speak to me. I can understand that. Heck, I even have one Ex who denies we even went out, but I have witnesses, so I know I'm not making it up. So back to my story. So I was playing a game on my computer when I got some IM's. After I was done playing, I checked my IM's before I went to bed and I saw they were from someone I had dated over 5 years ago. She IMed me to ask if I was ever going to talk to her again, that she was sorry, and if I want her to, she'll leave me alone. Now I will say the break up there was a bit on the rocky side, and I was a little upset at the end. But the funny thing is, unlike other times when I can hold a grudge for a long time, I can never stay angry at someone I love. Yeah, it may take some time, like it did with Molly, but in the end, my love for them wins out. Of course, while I'm going out with them, any anger usually passes very quickly. I may brood for a day or two, but I think I do that so I can try to stay mad, and try to work it all out in my head. I know with Kari, if I saw her smile at me, any anger I had just melted away, and I'd forgive her for anything(and did). But where was I? Oh yeah, my Ex, Kristen. So she IMed me, but I wasn't able to check the message until later. So I did IM her back, but I never got a response. I mean look, I am not adverse to talking to any of my Ex's. I may set rules for how I want to be contacted, like only over the phone or in person, but I don't consider that too restrictive. I also don't try to block them out of my memory. I will admit each time I pass the street her house is on in Toms River, I look down to see if I can see her green car. Whenever I hear about Monmouth University, I think of her. And yes, I will admit that even though I saw her SN pop up on my buddy list, I never pulled the trigger and IMed her, mostly b/c I wasn't sure if it was still her. But when she IMed me, I was all for getting into a convo. Who knows, maybe it will still happen?

But anyway, what else is going on. Ahh, on Friday, I got bit by a horse. We had a new horse come in, and while attempting to open his stall to feed him, he reached out and latched onto my hand. He ripped off my glove and a good amount of skin. After I went inside to bandage the thing up, the bastard was standing in his stall over my glove with a look of, "Come on in and get it, I dare you". So I whacked him back with a stick and got my glove. The bite isn't deep, just long and wide, so it's healing pretty quickly. The only bad part is I have yet to develop super powers. At least some I can observe. Perhaps I can run 6 furlongs in over a minute with a small Indian Gentleman strapped to my back. I thought I could count, but I kept tapping out the wrong answers with my foot to math problems. Oh well.

Other than that, nothing much exciting has been going on. I finally finished my holiday card for this year. It has been mostly been a scheduling thing, as all my graphics programs are on my mac, and she is still acting up. So I needed to find time to get my PC setup to work under Win2k, as none of my cards had 2k drivers. So in the end, I got it done.

OK, I am tired and the night just gets shorter. I will leave you all now. You'll probably see me on the BedCam.

so it is officially the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I thought I would sit back and catch up on the whirlwind which has finally dropped me off.

I started my prep on Tuesday by making one of the two cheesecakes I was planning on making. After making the two test cheesecakes over the weekend, I got my results back from the test subjects and the results were all for the Amaretto cheesecake. So I went about baking. oth cheesecakes went off without a hitch, and came out pretty well.

Thursday I woke up and did the farm thing. I then went back inside and prepared myself for the day. On the plans were first my Dad's family, then my Mom's family. I was supposed to by at Auntie's at 12pm, and I would have been, if it hadn't been for my Dad. So I showed up a little after 12 and I was the first to arrive besides my Aunt Susan and Aunt Elaine. They really liked how the cheesecake looked, which made me happy. I settled in and soon my Cousin Amy and her husband(wow, weird saying that) Bill showed up. A funny thing I learned was that Amy is a fellow Gawker reader. She is a Jezebel reader, and I am a Gizmodo reader. We shared some stories all about Gawker, which was cool. Soon after my Father arrived and our only hold out was my cousin Rebecca. Now I was supposed to go to dinner with my Mom at like 3pm. Becky didn't arrive until a little after three as she was stuck in GSP traffic, and had to get off and take back roads. So I held out till around 3:45 and took off for Tinton Falls and my Mother. When I got there they had already finished dinner,so I loaded up a plate and ate. After dinner I got to try the cheescake which was pretty good, although IMHO, a little heavy on the Amaretto. I blame the alcohol for that, and I am referring to the stuff I drank while baking. I soon left and headed ack for my house whereupon I sat around for awhile and eventually went out and fed the horses for the night. When I tried to water them, I realized that my Father had not drained the hose, and I could not get water out. I spent over an hour and a half thawing out the house, which delayed me getting into bed.

Friday I awoke and was not in a good mood as I didn't sleep well. Lately someone has been appearing in my dreams again, and each time she does, I get a crappy nights sleep. They kind of share a theme, but it's hard to describe it in words. I think it's a betrayal feeling, with an overtone of loneliness. So I woke up, put Huck out, unlocked the hay trailer, brought Huck back in, then went back to bed. I slept better then, and got up around 11am. I was still going into work again, as I am apt to do on the Holidays, but made some pitstops before I got there. ZOMG, what is up with these Black Friday things. I have never really gone out for them before, but since I get up early for the farm, I sometimes do now. Last year I got some nice deals (Read Here), and unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to see any fliers while at Aunties, so I didn't know what was really on sale, except that Staples had a laptop cooler I wanted that I saw in a leaked ad. I went in and found the cooler as well as a new Logitech cordless mouse and a 8gb flash drive(I'm a mem whore). Everything was easy to find. I didn't stop in Circuit City which was nearby, which I'm pissed at myself for. I found out after I got home from work that Circuit City had a NICE Logitech cam on sale for 9.99, but are sold out everywhere. After Staples I went into work and caught up on some work and sent some paperwork out which needed to travel. While at work I checked Target's flier online, and saw they had House Season 3 on sale for under $14.00, so I stopped by there on the way home just to pick it up. So I will say this. Of the things I knew about WHILE shopping, I found everything, and very easily. Except for the webcam, which I might try finding morrow. I know I don't NEED another cam, but it can't hurt, especially a nice one with glass optics. After work I cam home, tried out my new laptop cooler which seems to be working, checked the horses, then started cleaning. I then ended by writing a entry, which is where I am now.

On that note, I am getting to bed. I have a jam packed week ahead, which includes Christenings, going up to the big city to hang with some of my Giz people, and ends on Saturday when I have to go to the Monmouth Mall to try and win a lot of money from a local radio station. So good night all, and hope your Holidays went well, and keep going that way.

before you know it, another years worth of holidays will be here and gone. It's amazing, isn't it? So this weekend was the startup for me.

Saturday, I woke up earlier than I have been, drank a few cups o' ambition, and ventured towards Toms River. On the agenda were shopping, missions, and chores. We needed diesel for the big truck, so I got to ride it around, which is always fun :). First stop was Harbor Frieght for some tools for the farm such as dead blow hammers for the water tubs, and tape to repair the hoses. After that, I shot over and had my hair cut, which was such a relief. I was beginning to feel like Huck. I went next to Foodtown to pick up some bakery boxes for my cheesecakes. I then went to pick something up at my Mothers that I had left there the previous week. Then it was shopping time! I went over to ShopRite which was packed and gathered my necessary ingredients for my cheesecakes. This year I am trying out two recipes, one of which will be the winner. I of course made at least one mistake and underestimated how many graham crackers I had at home, which affected my recipe, but not that bad. After Shoprite, I made a quick pit stop at Stop and Shop for water, then Acme for cake rounds for the boxes. It was straight home then to unload the truck, clean a little, then start baking. In the end, I didn't get finished till about 2am, and didn't goto bed until about 4 b/c I was talking with Molly and watching movies.

Sunday I woke up extra late, which wasn't good and came w/drama, which I will not go into here. I worked around the farm and got rid of more crap near the rive, which is good. I also got my arm sore from machete hacking, which I'm paying for now. I also made my Amaretto cheesecake and added the topping to my Chocolate peanut butter one. I think they came out good, but they do have their problems:




All in all, they are pretty good. The chocolate peanut butter one is too chocolaty, and the Amaretto one has some crust problems. I am currently polling to see what people think.

OK, I just got tired all of a sudden, so I am off to sleep. Nighters all.

so I mentioned that fate spoke to me in my Twitter the other day. In case no one reads my Twitter stream, or this journal for that matter, I thought I would 'splain myself.

I spoke/wrote awhile back about my idea to plant a Christmas tree every year and then harvest them for use in the house. I think when/if I ever have a family, this would be a great tradition. So I did some research, like anyone would before making a plan like this, and found out what trees are the best Christmas trees and grow well in NJ.

Well, Thursday, I realized I had to re-stock the larder, so since there was nothing of value on TV, after Happy hour, I went out. I did my shopping, which was not w/o it's problems, and decided to stop at Home Depot to see if they had any sissel mats. I had been reading that cats prefer sissel to regular carpet, so I wanted to try some out on the wiggles scratching post. Well, the sissel mats they had there were expensive, and in looking at them, came up with the idea to try burlap, since I have some burlap sacks that sawdust had come in. While wandering the store, I saw they had a section for my friend Clarence, and checked it out. As I was leaving to check out, I saw something on the ground. It was a cast iron tree stand. It was a hefty one, and I have always hated those stupid metal ones, mostly because they are so flimsy. So I picked it up, and saw the price tag. $1.00. There were two there, so I grabbed the one that was in a box, and went home.


After I unloaded my car, I went and checked the mail, and THAT is when fate shone the light upon me. In the mail was a catalog that had all sorts of trees in it,and right up front was Christmas trees. I don't always trust fate, because she has let me down before, but since this can work for me either way, I think I will listen.

OK, that is it for now. My gravy is cooking, and the horses have to be fed still.

so I realized that I had not kept my promise to tell everyone the tale of the Christmas decorating. I may have forgotten some of the details, but the broad strokes are there.

So I started out on a Saturday. The weather had warmed up a bit, so I took it as a sign that it was a good time. I got the totes out of the Holiday Closet, and also got the ones out of the attic. I got the outside tote open, and set up the signs on the house doors. After that, I broke out the wreaths, and hung them on the main doors. I got my extension cords out, and set up the timer for the porch lights. Last year I got a great deal on these round light holders that you wind the lights around, and they fit between the ballisters on the porch railing. So as I unrolled the lights, I discovered that if the lights stick out of the rolls, they don't fit between the ballisters that well. Oh well. When it came to the gutter lights, I strapped on one of my tool belts, and headed onto the roof. The gutter ligths went up pretty easy, and I figured since I was a little ahead, might as well work on the gutters. Since I cleaned the gutters out as I put the lights up, I decided to put some leaf guards to stop the from getting clogged and freezing up. The sun was starting to go down, as it is apt to do in the late fall, so I went back to ground level, and turned the switch.

Nothing.

Well, not exactly nothing. MOSTLY nothing. I had not had the foresight to check the lights out before I put them onto the rolls. So I went to the Christmas Light Repair tool box, pulled out the little bulb tester I bought two years ago, some spare bulbs, threw them into my belt, and started tracking down the burned out bulbs. An hour later, the sun was nearly set, and I finally had all of the lights working. I went back inside to warm up a little, and also took some scrap cardboard, and made sides for the light rolls so it will be easier next year.

After the lights, the tree, and the inside where the targets. I put up my L_E_O_N stocking hangers(I glued them to a board, so they are evenly spaced, and harder for dumb cats to knock over), hung the stockings, the mistletoe, and some garland going up the stairs. The tree was next. I put the new skirt I bought last year down a few days before, so the cats would get tired of it, and they did. I got the tree out of the basement, fluffed it up a little, chased the cats away, and started on the electrics. I set up my music system, then did the lights. After the lights, I put on the extras, and stood back and enjoyed the sight. It was nice.

OK, that's it for now. I'm on call tonight for work, so I should get to bed in case I have to respond to an emergency. Nighters all.

yes, the Christmas tree is finally down. I also boxed up all of the ornaments and accesories(except for the stockings, I need a photo of them, and couldn't get the shot with the tree up), and they should make their way upstairs soon. I also did the wiggle's litter boxes, a few loads of clothes, and worked on my laptop for a little bit.

OK, now is sleepy time.

yeah, that about sums up how I feel right about now. Between the late nights during the weekend sewing bellbottoms for the party on New Years Eve, the party itself, and the cold I have been nursing, I have been running at a defict when it comes to the sleep arena. Unfortunately, this weekend doesn't appear to be a weekend of rest. I HAD planned for it to be, but at the insistance of a radio DJ, I decided to bump up my Holiday Breakdown to this weekend. It's also supposed to be a little warmer than it has been, as well as being a dry weekend, so I think it should be a success. I also have to get some photos for next years card(can never be too prepared or organized), amongst other things.

Oh great. I just blew my nose, and blood came out. I think that brings me to a grand total of twice in my life where my nose has produced blood. Well, if I don't wake up tomorrow, I will consider it a symptom of something more severe.

OK, where was I? Ah yes, the Breakdown. I have been slacking on cleaning, mostly because I have boxes and totes floating around the house since the post-Christmas buying spree, and I didn't put them away because I knew this weekend was coming. It should be fun. It's so nice and satisfying getting everything boxed up and put away for the next year. I can do everything by myself, including the tree, so its not that hard either. The toughest part I forsee is the outside lights, which due to the earlier incident, require me to check each string before putting them away. But it's worth it when I get the compliment from someone on how nice the house looks.

OK, Cynder and Skeeter are trying to get my attention to feed them by chasing each other and banging into things. OK, nighters all.

i told myself that I wouldn't go post-Christmas crazy, and I pretty much kept my word. I only spent $50 or so. Most of what I got was light related. After the debacle of setting up the lights(which I realize now I never went into. I swear I will as soon as I can, it's hard to forget!), I will now check and replace any bad bulbs before wrapping the strings up for the year, and putting them in their tote. So after feeding this morning, I ran inside, grabbed my wallet, phone from the charger, a non-horse smelling jacket, and a hat, and took off for Wal*Mart and Target.

So at Wal*Mart, I picked up 8 10-packs of clear mini lights, 2 packs each of colored clear c7 lights for the tree(haven't blown any yet, but always be prepared),a 200 light set of lights just like the ones I have(just in case one string blows, or I can always cannibalize it for replacement parts for the ones I have) a remote controlled outlet plug(at 50% off, which was about 5 bucks!!), a few stocking stuffers(in case I ever get to stuff stockings again), and a tote that's supposed to be for bows(I already have my bows in a tote, but I also keep ribbon in it, and you can never be too organized). I tried to get tape for 50% off, but the lady at the register was being moody, I needed to get over to Target, so I didn't press the matter. I can always get tape some place else, and maybe cheaper. I have a year to keep my eyes open. The bill was ~$20-25, which was good. Next on list of places to go was Target. Targets where I broke the bank, unfortunately.

At Target, I picked up 2 sets of 100 mini-light strings. My Dad came down the other day, and he asked me where he could buy a small string of lights. I said hold on, ran upstairs to the holiday closet, and grabbed the "just in case" set of lights that were in the gift tote(Don't know why I file them under "gifts", but they've been in there for the longest time, so I don't mess w/perfection). The only bad thing about the whole situation is that he re-unforced a paranoia, which is why I went and got 2 sets(I hate when I know that the only reason I do something is because of one of my vices, and consciously recognize it, but do it anyway). So 2 sets of those(they were only a dollar each, so it wasn't that bad), a set of mini-mini-lights that has a controller to do cool patterns(i.e. chasing lights, fade in/out, twinkle, etc...) that I will add to the tree for cool effect, some more c7 lights(Wal*Mart didn't have red, and the packs at Target did), some cool garland/string I will use for next year's wine(Here is a pict of this years batch) instead of ribbon, a set of penguin salt and pepper shakers for my Mom next year, a hula girl for my car(total splurge),and my biggest expense, a LightKeeper Pro, which was $10. I justify it by the fact that the one I got last year, and used this year(I will tell the story), was great, but this one is hella better, and will hopefully pwn the other one. It has a way better bulb puller, it doesn't require wire contact to check continuity, and has a "quick fix" feature to light the set enough to find any burned out bulbs. I also picked up a gift card for my Dad, because I didn't have any idea what to get him, and it was the best I could come up with.

So after doing all of that, I came home, met up with my Dad, then went to work. And that's where I am now. OK, I think that's it for today for now. After work, I have to do a little food shopping, then depending if it's raining or not, it's either Happy Hour or cleaning up(the house is like a disaster area because of Christmas with bags everywhere). Happy holidays all!

i blog tonight. It's kind of liberating, being able to write while in bed,as well as surf the web. I must admit it definatly is cool. Not much to write about tonight. I know, I know, I still have much to catch up on. But Christmas is but two, now one day away. I went and did some shopping I needed to do Friday, after I got shot down that is. I need/needed some bell bottoms. Not many stores around me carry bell bottoms. That is, until I realized that bell bottoms are just jeans with extra material in the leg seams. Well, I wandered over to Target, because I knew they had Wrangler jeans on sale, and I needed some more 32 waists, because all the 34 waisted jeans I have are getting too loose. I picked up a pair of "Rustler" jeans, and after getting home and doing some quick googling, I should be able to make this pair a pair of bell bottoms. I have all of my old jeans to cannabalize, except for the ones I donated to my Father. But I also kept any old pair of jeans that was badly ripped, because I felt I might one day need the fabric. So I will soon have a pair of homemade bell bottoms to wear to the New Year's Eve bash I was invited to. Maybe there will be some cute chick there who believes in free love. But that was the 60's I think, and this is a 70's party. Next I need a shirt.

Other than that, except for me being tired, nothing much is going on. My Mom has to go and get examined every three months for the next two years to be sure the cancer isn't coming back. Even though it was malignant, they are sure they got it all. I'm going to see her on Christmas day, so that should be fun. OK, I'm getting very sleepy. Nighters all.

The Holiday season has officially started. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving has always been the start of my baking for Thanksgiving. This holiday season is going to be weird. #1, my uncle Kenny passed away on the 1st, 6 days after he found out he had cancer. #2, it's my first holiday season alone in like 4 years.

I was going to forsake this years Holidays due to problems with my Mother's side of the family, and also because I wasn't sure if I could handle it. I've warmed up a little since Uncle Kenny's death because I have to be there for my family. They've supported me for a long time, and I need to be there for them. It's tough for my cousins to be without their dad. I know they all have significant others, but I want to be there for them.

So, I was out shopping to get some drugs, and there was a wait of course, so I walked by the Holiday section of Target, and I started drifting backwards and forward through time. Back to the past few years holidays and the people I spent them with, and then forward to the holidays of the future that are now uncertain. I saw the selection of wrapping papers and stockings and ornaments all new and neat, and then I thought about how they look the day after Christmas, when I usually go shopping for deals. Getting all of my wrapping paper, bows, and assorted knick-knacks. I walked the aisles looking to see if anything piqued my interest. After losing my living room last year, I didn't set up my Christmas tree. I plan on it this year. It will be a mite easier since the house is more open now. So I am keeping my eye out for stuff for this year. I also need stockings to hang from my LEON stocking hangers for Huck and Cynder and Skeeter.

I do love the Holidays though. I think the abundance of good cheer charges me up. Dressing up in my old Santa hat with a sprig of Mistletoe attached. Seeing all of the people I love. Spreading good cheer. And then there's the presents. Not getting them mind you, but giving them. I get so filled with I don't know what when I watch people open presents. I guess it's because I have so much trouble picking out stuff, and when I do, I like seeing people happy with a decision of mine. I also like creatively wrapping presents to delay the process. Maybe it's the surprise I feed off of.

So yeah, even though the stores were HELLA busy, I did what I had to do. And even with the cold rain, I did feel a little better being around all of those people. I finished, and came home to make my apple cinnamon cheesecake for morrow. I enclosed pictures below. It came out better than I hoped. The making of didn't go so well. I actually knicked myself with my blade while cutting the apples. And then there is the help tat kept jumping on the counter. OK, that's it for this one. Have a great one everybody.