for those who don't go to the JerseyCam website, I thought I'd eliminate the middle man. The larger versions can be seen at JerseyCam.

the good news: I finished painting the GreenMachine:



The bad news: I didn't check to see if the computer itself worked. It didn't. So I will have to replace the mobo and power supply and it will work AND look cool. Plus it will be faster b/c racing stripes make EVERYTHING faster.

so I watched I, Robot many moons ago. One scene always struck me. Spooner wakes up after having yet another dream about accident he was in, rolls with pain onto the side of him that he lost his arm, which was replaced. He sits up, rubs his "bad" arm, looks down at the ground, then takes his gun and taps it against his head saying "Get the hell outta there", then puts the gun down to get ready to face the day.

He's not suicidal, he just sleeps with a gun due to his paranoia, and he's performing a futile attempt to try to forget these memories. While not the same thing, I suffer something similar.

As most people who know me know, I usually have a good memory. Meaning if I haven't instantly forgotten it, I will usually remember it forever. I also have done A LOT of stupid shit in my life. There are times I can be sitting there, and one of these memories comes into my mind, and it's just so horrible/embarrassing/shameful to me, that it almost causes me to shut down. It's tough to express to people why I feel the way I do, and this is no different. I know that in AA and NA, etc... a few of the steps concern taking an inventory, admitting your faults, and apologizing to those you have wronged. I have been hearing about things like Secrettweet.com and F*ck My Life, and thought that it might be a way to try to make my "shame" public, but it's anonymous. If I want to truly get something out there, I can't do it anonymously. So I'm going to use my twitter account to get these previously hidden shames out. Maybe this will help me get over these things, and help me heal so I'm a less damaged person.

So if anyone wants to check it out, they should be available here, once Twitter stops acting wonky today: http://hashtags.org/search?query=%23jerseycamconfession&submit=Search.

so it's a new year. I am dead tired and have been up for over 24 hours, and I must sleep. But before I do, I wanted to post a quick pict of the first JerseyCam card released into the wild. It's on a PATH train.

it's eight o'clock on a Tuesday. I'm sitting on my couch with a cup of coffee , Haüs on the TV, some laundry in the wash, and swaddled up in one of the sweatshirts I got for Christmas. I just thought while I watched TV, I could bang out a journal entry. I'm not going to go into anything deep, b/c I just don't feel like it, so NYAH!

I got a great surprise in the mail yesterday. I turned the photo my "fan" Carmen had taken for me:

and converted it to cards for JerseyCam!


I got them from a company called OvernightPrints. They came out great except that they didn't make Carmen's Flickr address bright enough. So I am going to goto my favorite stamp store, and get a stamp made so I can stamp the backs so people know where to go to see awesome photos. It's nice to have cards for the site, as I really don't have an advertising budget. Hell, I don't have a budget at all. When I re-order more cards, I will make sure to make the link brighter. Unless Carmen come sup with another design before then.

So tomorrow is New Year's Eve. For the first time, I will be venturing into NY for the celebration. I don't yet have everything fleshed out, but I'm close. I think I'll take the train, so I can drink more ;)

What else, what else. Ash Lee is getting better. She was limping very badly last week, so I brought her to the vets, as I didn't know what to do. I made the appointment and when I went to bring her in the night before, she was limping on another leg as well. I brought her in the next morning, and for some reason, they didn't have a record of my appointment. So I had to wait an hour for the next available slot. We finally got in, and Ash was a real good sport. They took X-Rays, but they showed nothing. I think she got into a scuffle with the new cat that started living in my neighbor Bob's garage. So the vet gave her antibiotics and also an anti-inflammatory. She doesn't like being inside, so all she does it meow at me when I let her out of the mud room bathroom. I hope she'll be all better soon.

Christmas was good, but draining. I seriously didn't get into the Christmas spirit like I have in previous years. I mostly seemed to have been coasting along. I am hoping next year will be better. This year was just a mad blur of running around and never seeming to catch up. My sleep has gone all wonky as well. It was really bad Sunday night. I had the dream again. It's the one I hate having b/c as soon as I wake up and roll over, I know it was a dream. Since it happened during my recent depression, I am hoping it's just result of it, and not my brain trying to get me happy, b/c it hurts more than it helps.

OK, on that note, I am hitting the sack, b/c I am über tired. Nighters all.

so it is officially the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I thought I would sit back and catch up on the whirlwind which has finally dropped me off.

I started my prep on Tuesday by making one of the two cheesecakes I was planning on making. After making the two test cheesecakes over the weekend, I got my results back from the test subjects and the results were all for the Amaretto cheesecake. So I went about baking. oth cheesecakes went off without a hitch, and came out pretty well.

Thursday I woke up and did the farm thing. I then went back inside and prepared myself for the day. On the plans were first my Dad's family, then my Mom's family. I was supposed to by at Auntie's at 12pm, and I would have been, if it hadn't been for my Dad. So I showed up a little after 12 and I was the first to arrive besides my Aunt Susan and Aunt Elaine. They really liked how the cheesecake looked, which made me happy. I settled in and soon my Cousin Amy and her husband(wow, weird saying that) Bill showed up. A funny thing I learned was that Amy is a fellow Gawker reader. She is a Jezebel reader, and I am a Gizmodo reader. We shared some stories all about Gawker, which was cool. Soon after my Father arrived and our only hold out was my cousin Rebecca. Now I was supposed to go to dinner with my Mom at like 3pm. Becky didn't arrive until a little after three as she was stuck in GSP traffic, and had to get off and take back roads. So I held out till around 3:45 and took off for Tinton Falls and my Mother. When I got there they had already finished dinner,so I loaded up a plate and ate. After dinner I got to try the cheescake which was pretty good, although IMHO, a little heavy on the Amaretto. I blame the alcohol for that, and I am referring to the stuff I drank while baking. I soon left and headed ack for my house whereupon I sat around for awhile and eventually went out and fed the horses for the night. When I tried to water them, I realized that my Father had not drained the hose, and I could not get water out. I spent over an hour and a half thawing out the house, which delayed me getting into bed.

Friday I awoke and was not in a good mood as I didn't sleep well. Lately someone has been appearing in my dreams again, and each time she does, I get a crappy nights sleep. They kind of share a theme, but it's hard to describe it in words. I think it's a betrayal feeling, with an overtone of loneliness. So I woke up, put Huck out, unlocked the hay trailer, brought Huck back in, then went back to bed. I slept better then, and got up around 11am. I was still going into work again, as I am apt to do on the Holidays, but made some pitstops before I got there. ZOMG, what is up with these Black Friday things. I have never really gone out for them before, but since I get up early for the farm, I sometimes do now. Last year I got some nice deals (Read Here), and unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to see any fliers while at Aunties, so I didn't know what was really on sale, except that Staples had a laptop cooler I wanted that I saw in a leaked ad. I went in and found the cooler as well as a new Logitech cordless mouse and a 8gb flash drive(I'm a mem whore). Everything was easy to find. I didn't stop in Circuit City which was nearby, which I'm pissed at myself for. I found out after I got home from work that Circuit City had a NICE Logitech cam on sale for 9.99, but are sold out everywhere. After Staples I went into work and caught up on some work and sent some paperwork out which needed to travel. While at work I checked Target's flier online, and saw they had House Season 3 on sale for under $14.00, so I stopped by there on the way home just to pick it up. So I will say this. Of the things I knew about WHILE shopping, I found everything, and very easily. Except for the webcam, which I might try finding morrow. I know I don't NEED another cam, but it can't hurt, especially a nice one with glass optics. After work I cam home, tried out my new laptop cooler which seems to be working, checked the horses, then started cleaning. I then ended by writing a entry, which is where I am now.

On that note, I am getting to bed. I have a jam packed week ahead, which includes Christenings, going up to the big city to hang with some of my Giz people, and ends on Saturday when I have to go to the Monmouth Mall to try and win a lot of money from a local radio station. So good night all, and hope your Holidays went well, and keep going that way.

ok all. Let's give everyone an update on JerseyCam. As of last night, thanks to a marathon session of getting Juliet up and running, then adding things back into her one by one, I got Cam 1 up and running. But that's not the biggest JerseyCam news. I recently got a message from an old friend of mine, John. John's a comedian, and asked if I could put a link to his website on JerseyCam. You all know I am to please, so I said "Yeah!". There was downside. As some people have suggested, my site was a little "outdated". So I went and did something I've been putting off for over two years. I redid the site altogether and updated everything. No more single shots, I first had three, now four shots on the homepage. Clicking each cam picture opens that cam in it's own window for ease of viewing. Each cam also has it's own "Bio", showing you were the cam is in my house. I also added two cams in the past two months, which are the CouchCam and the BedCam.

So if you haven't already, give the site a look. Let me know what you think. I welcome all opinions.

OK, that's it for now. It's Friday, and I just want to get home, get into something comfortable yet appropriate, and enjoy a good Happy Hour. So I will talk to you all later.

less than a month, and I rack up 9,000 hits. I think I credit having a second cam for the increase in popularity. I'd love to have some IP cams, so I could mount them through the house. Am I an exhibitionist? No. At least not that I know about. I just have no problem being on camera. If anyone wants to tune in, then they can. Maybe I'm more of an enabler for voyeurs than an exhibitionist. I think I have to pay less attention to the counter, and focus on the projects I told some of you I plan to focus on, things would work out well. I think if I don't focus on the cam, I can be assured it's other people that have the fetish, not me. I don't know. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Nighters all.